Hanah International Foundation

Wessel Broekman – photo: Iris Bergman

Interview VOLKSKRANT  3 March 2010

In the media and in the books exists the idea that autistic people never can bee entirely happy, That’s not true, is the opinion of Wessel Broekhuis. Because of that he wrote his book “Alone in my world. “

Thinking of metal for me is very relaxing´

Wessel Broekhuis is 17 yoa. He lives in Amsterdam, goes to school in the 5^th grade of the VWO (prepatorial scientific secondary education), sings in a Metal Band CRUSH. And from tomorrow on he is an author.Then his book Alone in my world will be published. A book about girls, metal music, school, obsessions and phobias.

Wessel has Asperger, ”a kind if AutismAutism is a disorder of neural development characterized by impaired social interaction and communication, and by restricted and repetitive behavior. These signs all begin before a child is three years old. Autism affects information processing in the brain by altering how nerve cells and their synapses connect and organize; how this occurs is not well understood. It is one of three recognized disorders in the autism spectrum (ASDs), the other two being Asperger syndrome, which lacks delays in cognitive development and language, and Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified (commonly abbreviated as PDD-NOS), which is diagnosed when the full set of criteria for autism or Asperger syndrome are not met.
light” as he calls it himself. When he was 3 yoa, he used words like ’nevertheless’ and ‘therefore’. He was very quickly upset, had from time to time severe rages. Because of his bad motorics he all the time stumbled. And he didn’t’t want to talk about anything but animals. A group of children he called ‘a hard’.

If I( had to describe briefly autismAutism is a disorder of neural development characterized by impaired social interaction and communication, and by restricted and repetitive behavior. These signs all begin before a child is three years old. Autism affects information processing in the brain by altering how nerve cells and their synapses connect and organize; how this occurs is not well understood. It is one of three recognized disorders in the autism spectrum (ASDs), the other two being Asperger syndrome, which lacks delays in cognitive development and language, and Pervasive Developmental Disorder-Not Otherwise Specified (commonly abbreviated as PDD-NOS), which is diagnosed when the full set of criteria for autism or Asperger syndrome are not met.
, I would do it like this: everything in my existence is extreme, and that is because of my enhanced consciousness. My senses perform on 200% and I can’t stay in pace with my life. Everything enters me so extremely violent. The world daily swallows and crushes me. –page 21—

Wessel: ’According to me there is the general opinion that someone with autism never can be happy. In the media, on television, in the books you always meet unhappy autistic people with a lot of problems. The professional support is very much focused on making someone ’normal’, while it it very well possible to be happy even when you are not entirely ‘normal’. I want to show a positive, vivid autistic person.

“I still can’t do everything”: school, but also going out into town, takes me lot more energy than from my peers. Sometimes I have to stay a day at home just to regenerate and to relax. And I do not know whether I ever will have a normal job. But in the recent years I have done things I never expected ever could do. Now, for instance, I go toa normal high school. In the past I couldn’t stand hard volume sounds and big groups of people, but this summer I did visit Lowlands (a massive open air rock festival in the Netherlands) with 55 thousand visitors.

In this age all my contacts were unidirectional. I talked, lots and lots.  But listening to what others had to tell, I did not. I only wanted to talk – telling about animals about which I did know extremely much.      —page 33—

‘Asperger has been diagnosed at my age of 4. I can’t remember much about that age. Most of the things I know, I know from psychological reports and from my mother. In class 3, 4 and 5 I went to a special school, with expert support. I did help me much. Now I have learned how I have to behave socially. A lot of my school companions did hear about this book and were surprised to discover that I am an autistic person.

‘In school I do get a bit of a special approach; I do my tests on a computer, not only because of my very bad and writing, but also because it help me to concentrate. I do get some extra time during testing. I do not have to co-operate with others. I am becoming aware that school asks more and more from me. The tasks start to become more difficult. But I am sure that this year I will succeed in my examines.’

But there is an aspect on school life that time after time demolishes me, robs me from my sleep during the night and severest extremely my negative thinking. Before each session am lamed of fear. Those are the worst moments in my present life.     —pages 99-100—

‘Gymnastics! It is horrible!. There are so many people together in one room, there is so much of noise! What makes me sports fearing is that the people become fanatic, angry, suddenly only want to win. That this is so important for them, Ai do not understand at all! Because I have bad motorics, I very soon become victim in these lessons. But actually do not have to participate anymore. When the others do the sports lessons, I do my fitness exercises in my own in a separate room.’

In this moment an extreme annoying, compensatory phobia for water bothers me. I am afraid everything will be wet; it is dangerous when I will have wet hands. Because everywhere is electricity and even the most minimal drop will be the seed of the death.     —page 79—

‘In the past, after having washed my hands, I easily did spend a quarter of an hour to dry. Now, in fact that is over. But it became replaced by another phobia. Now I have much difficulties by turning low the heaters. I do it over twenty times, because I have to be sure that they are closed. I have the same with the front door. When I surrender to that I have to think about it all the time and I can’t sleep. The annoying thing is that often I have been to a psychologist for this, but I can’t get rid of it. I can skip a certain phobia but all the time another one appears instead of it.’

I write Metal with a capital because it reigns my thoughts as something radiating -the most important in my life.     —page 61—

‘Obsessions sounds that negative. But I pour a lot of happiness out of my obsessions: they always have been my anchor in this world. One thing about which I know everything, one thing in a world of which I understand little. Thinking about Metal for me is very relaxing.’

‘Each 4 or 5 year one obsessions gradually changes into another one. From my 4^th till my 6^th yoa I was mad about animals. And dino‘s. gradually it changed into Pokemon, the computer games. It has a relation, because Pokemon is also about several identities. From my 10^th till my 13^th yoa I knew everything about history and mythology. A bit of these dark themes you find back in the  Metal music I love so much.’

‘I read a lot about it, listen to the music, I search for new bands on the internet, I interview them I write for music sites and I give reviews about concerts and new CD’s. And I sing in the Metalband CRUSH. I might call myself an expert. The fact that one obsessions changes into another one does not mean that I do not know anything anymore about the things I was mad of in the past. I still can tell a lot about Greek mythology or about dino’s or animals.’

I can’t stand it when people have negative comments on my obsession. Often people indicate Metal as “ugly sound”; that feels inside like dying a bit.     —page 71—)

Often it is said that in autistic people the define attention is fixed during adultery. So, who knows, maybe my obsession for Metal will last my entire life. One can’t control. I can’t force my interest for Metal to keep silent. Even now, when I think about it, I feel a constant flow, a stream of pictures, information, colors, sounds. It isn’t as if I have certain music or one song in my head. In my book I described it as something that constantly continues, like breathing. You have to see it like that. Or like an extreme being in love. It overtakes me, completely.

‘Singing in a Metalband is not my vocation. Writing is. I am an author. But finishing with CRUSH I will not do for sure.’ It is too much fun all together. Because, when another timer again I jump around in the garage, while the most brutal, animal-like sounds escape from my opened beak, and we all get lost in the bumping drums and roaring bass guitars, with together with it those steady riffs- man! What a joy I feel!     —page 131—

‘The older I became, the more I realized that they rest of my live I would like to write; it is my ultimate dream. And I wouldn’t know what could have been the best topic for my first boo; my own life. That is the story I had to tell. In 2007 I made my first notes. Autumn 2008 there was a letter from me in the special youth pages of the VPRO-magazine. Because of that several editing-houses contacted me. From the summer holidays 2008 I did spend more time for it. Until some weeks ago I worked on it quite intensively.

‘Maybe that in 10 years again I will write a book about myself, because new things happened. I don’t think I will do this the next 5 years. I would like to start a fiction; about a daemon that is captured for years underground and who starts a quest for the man who did take him in.  – it looks to me a nice challenge. And of course, once I hope to write a book about Metal, a book that really tells all.

Freedom and satisfaction with yourself; that is happiness. I won it all what I am; Metalfan, singer, but above all -writer and autistic.     —page 155—